Zoe Zombie

I was granted some valuable shopping dollars and time by Roger today. Which was very sweet and a (weekly) dream come true. I was ready to go and I thought that my allowance, if you will, was never going to be enough to cover what I wanted to buy. Some cute skirts, some shorts, tops, dresses.. all for summer. As much as I love tartan and black, the goth in me gets hot during summer.

So off to a certain shopping centre I went. But my excitement and self imposed 1 hour time limit soon turned into a 2.5 hour desperation to find anything suitable. My findings were:

1. Every single women’s clothing store was filled with horrible floral patters taken straight out of 90210 – not the beautiful 1950s styles that are so elegant and sophisticated.
2. It was hard to find dark denim ANYTHING. Every pair of denim skirt, short or jean was an acid wash or light blue with holes in it.
3. All dresses were cut just below the vadge. I’m 24 years old and I don’t want to show off my baby maker. Even if I were 18, I still wouldn’t want anyone to see those lips.
4. There were sequins galore. I personally have nothing against sequins and I think they’re fabulous. But some pieces were bordering on shit that I see at the salvos. BECAUSE NO ONE WANTS THEM.
5. Gladiator sandals are still back because apparently no one bothered to recycle anything from the 90s. Or were gladiators all the rage in 90210 as well?
6. Who the HELL wears leather biker jackets in summer? And what kind of store thinks that Perth women are going to encase themselves in cow skin for the summer? And why would anyone wear a tuxedo jacket in 40+ degree heat?
7. Every single skirt I saw was fitted and either black or hot-chunks-floral. What about cute puffy, above-the-knee, bright skirts? No?
8. Balmain is the most copied designer on the high street at the moment and probably will be for ages to come. I saw a copy of a vest and was going to buy it. Then again, I don’t want to buy a demin vest.
9. I can’t understand why tie dye frequents the stores every few seasons or so. It’s something that only few people can pull off.
10. Big dumpy dresses (tie dyed i might add) and jackets just don’t make a girl look like a girl. I doubt she feels feminine in it.
11. Sportsgirl were obsessed with bo-ho for what seemed like 16 seasons. Now we will never see the end of this 90210 season.
12. To that lady who works at Mimco – I said Hello to you while you gave me the most horrible look I’ve ever seen from a shop assistant, and you said nothing back. Here’s a big F and a big UCKYOU.

I visited every store at least 3 times to find something suitable. I came across the most awesome sales assistant at Oroton who should probably host the Australian version of How to Look Good Naked. And I somehow walked away with two pairs of shorts, a top, two dresses, a sequined vest (oh yes) and a pair of shoes. All do not show my vadge and I don’t look like a cast member of 90210, although it took 2.5 hours to get there. Bah.

I have not even been engaged for a week yet, and already people are having an opinion. Sure, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but telling us that we’re “wrong”, “mad”, “insane” among others for wanting to just go to Las Vegas and get hitched is bordering on rudeness.

Here’s the deal: I’ve never been a person who’s dreamed of getting married since I was a little girl. I don’t want the dress, the bridesmaids, the reception, the gifts or anything like that. I don’t want to spend $40k on one day of my life. I’ve never been like that, neither has Roger. To me, I feel a wedding is between the people who are actually getting married. If they want to do the whole she-bang with the dress etc, then that’s great. If they want to elope, that’s great too. Because it’s about them, not me.

Sure, Vegas has been dragged through the mud with the whole “tacky Vegas drive-through/quicki/trailer trash/drunken celebrity marriage” but there actually ARE some lovely places in LV to get married. When we were there in 07, we saw a bridal party heading to the chapel at The Monte Carlo, dressed in a Vera Wang gown with all of their friends/family.

Vegas is one of the most exciting and (can be) beautiful places in the world, and whilst it would be fucking awesome to have our friends and family there if they could make it, I wouldn’t regret getting married with only Elvis as my witness.

Posted via web from Jessicatron’s PREposterous thoughts

Whilst food shoping over the weekend, I encountered some new packaging from Coca Cola for their soda cans. Whoopdie doo – they were smaller. Only an idiot would buy them because they think they are somehow new and awesome as well as not making them fat because it’s only 99 calories.

As I turned the corner into the health food isle (that’s right – coca cola right next to the health food isle) I noticed something quite insane on the box. “Mid morning snack”. I had to take a picture and run – it was just too funny.

I work in a place where people are cracking open their coke cans at 8:30am and the vending machine is empty by weeks end. So it seems like the whole idea of having a can of coke or fanta for a “mid morning snack” has been around forever. This is a scary thought, but no one really said anything about it. All the coke ads have people drinking it sometime in the afternoon on a beach with some grandma because they think that this will make their product look awesome. I was always brought up to think that soft drink was a ‘treat’ and that it’s ok to have it once a week but that was it. Seemed and still seems fair to me.

Then as I was driving home yesterday, I saw a billboard advertising the new Cadbury Chocolate size – 100 grams or something. Either way, it was a smaller version of the biggest blocks and the picture consisted of an opened packed of the smaller Cadbury block and underneath it said “Perfect for on the go.”. Who the FUCK eats an ENTIRE block of chocolate while their driving to work, or picking their kid up from school? I’ll tell you who. The same person who buys fucking 9 cans of fanta because they’re in a new size and are only 99 calories. Plus, the packet said they were good for a mid morning snack.

When did it become ok to factor “snack sized” junk food into every aspect of our lives? I understand that these companies have to make money, but they are also the ones who are enabling the dickheads who don’t think for themselves or have no brainzzzzzzz.

We are slowly, but surely on our way to equalling the USA food consumption. I’ve been to the land of USA and I have seen their “serving suggestions” and they are enough to feed a whole family. Here’s to Australia’s future – full of obesity and diabetes. Go team!

Posted via web from Jessicatron’s PREposterous thoughts