It’s been over a month since I have been working for myself. Even though a few weeks of that month was spent in going through a little piece of hell, most of it has been quite good. It’s really made me think. Why the HELL didn’t I quit my job in September 2009, when I had originally cracked the shits and wanted out?

That particular day in September, my manager yelled at me in front of everyone for something that was absolutely ludicrous. I can even remember what it was about. He had forgotten I had told him about a certain issue. When he spotted it, he said how dare I put words on his mouth and told me to go sit down, as if I were a naughty child in his classroom. In all fairness, I snapped back at him. But at that point, I wasn’t going to take it anymore.

I think that was really the issue that set me apart from everyone else. I had a very low “taking shit” threshold, which caused me to put people in their place.  I have a sharp tongue but I’m also highly emotional which can make me erm, not so sharp.

I think a lot of what I was experiencing was in my head, but at the same time I definitely felt belittled on a week-to-week basis. Not just from my boss but from my environment. I realised that I was doomed to repeat some sort of twisted “high school” for the rest of my life if i was so hell bent on trying to get anywhere in that company. I wasn’t prepared to bend over backwards for the “popular crowd” who would make you jump through hoops only to tell you that you STILL weren’t one of the cool kids.

I knew I made the wrong decision when I took another position in the company. I thought I would be challenged and learn something new because my old position was growing stale and I knew the only way to remain in my masochistic relationship is if I changed to another department. It quickly turned into hell. There was so little time to do actual work in admist the multiple bosses, the endless meetings that didn’t actually require my attendance, the disorganisation and the random projects flying around that of course it was easy to label me as the scapegoat for their bad sales targets.

However, I did learn something. Hell hath no fury like a boss scorned.

Apparently, giving in my notice (which I had kindly extended to 6 weeks at the time) was so offensive to my boss that he talked to everyone else about my leaving except for me. I had tried to go about it the right way and get a hold of him before it got out, but my OTHER boss (so many bosses, so little time) decided to get in with the goss first.

After I learned what had happened, I felt like I had been slapped in the face. Not the kind of “my staff is leaving me and giving me enough notice to find someone else, how dare they” kind of drama queen slap-in-the-face. I’m talking “working my butt off for a company who turns around and says they don’t give two shits about you. You’re expendable.”  I went to my other boss (boss count: 3) and told him to change my leave notice to 4 weeks, which is the usual kind of notice period.There was no way I was going to hang around for 2 extra weeks, working my ass off for these people when I had freelance work waiting in the wings. My loyalty was finally shot to shit and I was done.

I ended up leaving December 2010 - over a year after I swore that I’d leave. I came out on the other side standing by my firm belief that if you work hard and you are good to people, amazing things will happen (thanks, Conan O’Brien). There were a few people who got the short end of my stick and they deserved it. And maybe this shows me and you how utterly bitter I had allowed myself become. That’s not who I really am. And that’s not who I wanted to be.

Now that I’ve left, I can’t believe I didn’t leave sooner. I learned a lot of great things and a lot of bad things - it was all part of the experience. There are some lovely people I’ll never forget, and a lot of jerks that I’ll gladly forget. And maybe they’ll gladly forget me as well, which is ok with me. I would never want to step foot in there ever again. Even though I’ve accidently left my runners in my old locker.