Zoe Zombie

Web Design: 16 ways to piss me off.

// October 6th, 2008 // 1 Comment » // humour, web design

Monday started off like any other – I get to work and the first thing I do is check my google reader. The only thing that was different is this – for the first time in two years I felt like I was going to burst out in a rage. Why is that? All of the titles I saw looked something like this:

15 high quality premium-like wordpress themes
370+ Free photoshop actions for everyone part 1
33 beautiful border and corner brush sets
5 beautiful penstyle fonts
16 web based handy web designer tools
10 useful articles about database design
6 vector food tutorials
25 refreshingly blue website designs
50 more amazing 3d typography works
11 free and helpful web based tools that every designer may want to know
30 beautifully blue website designs
22 free fonts from myfont
45 rules for creating a great logo design
103 really cool advertisements
35 essential jQuery tutorials, code chunks and plugins for designers
35 photoshop tutorials inspired by apple

Let me ask you something. Did you read all of those? If yes, then you were like me about a year ago. Keen on reading and learning everything I could about my trade. If you said no, then you are me today – tired and frustrated with the endless crap that is put out there on the interwebs.

Lists are something that get people interested because they present an easy alternative to reading a whole block of text that people get turned off by. It is an ongoing trend that should have seen the light of day yesterday – yes I want to read things now and if I want to learn something I want to learn it now. I want to read things that people really have to say, their advice – not in a list. I want to be able to get in depth information on it because if I want to learn something, I will read whatever is there so I do.

Sometimes I question the integrity of those who do write lists – their posts are mostly unoriginal. It is unoriginal information or screen shots that have been seen all over. I think it’s great that many will love a design or technique but is there a need to regurgitate something that’s already been seen many times before?

I have been guilty of writing lists but realized straight away it is a gimmick. It’s not natural to write an article in such a way unless you’re writing a step by step or a plan. They’re just cheap shots at getting some undeserved traffic – believing that compiling huge ridiculous lists will get them the visits they want from people who don’t know any better.

I hope in the very near future this fad will die out and people will start writing articles like they used to – with integrity and originality. Really offering something to their visitors other than just regurgitated crap. Is tomorrow too soon?

Web Design Lesson #2512: If a client likes the way they design…

// March 21st, 2008 // Comments Off // web design

At my previous job as a web designer in a small business, I was exposed to a lot of things that I often found amusing. Most of these were contributed to our clients. Some of them were because we made up humourous name for each project – looking to liken a word in a client name to a swear word or something that just sounded plain wrong. But it was always the customers who came up with the most unimaginable senario possible.

As a web designer, most of the time the client leaves the job in our hands. The colours, the navigation – whatever. They usually cannot be bothered or do not even care how we go about it as long as it presents their business well. But there was one client in particular who just flat out made me laugh. I also learned that if a client tells you they like the way they had done their previous website or a mockup of a website, there is no point in deviating from it too much because they will always go back to what they designed.

This client was French. There is no real reason to point that out, but it proved hilarious in overhearing conversations between her and a co-worker, simply because there was an obvious communication break down. And she always used to bring in phonebook sized notes with her which was not only amazing but also fucking annoying. And since I worked right next to my co-worker, to hear this client yammering on for hours was off putting. But it also meant money for us.

She had provided an idea for a website that she had built herself in word. I was quite interested because she had gone to all the trouble of making up a sort of dummy website about what she wanted. We were all excited because it meant that it was going to be an easy job. So it seemed. That was until after designing a site for her for almost a week, she rang me up to say she didn’t like it. We tried to make the changes she told us over the phone, but after a while she must have been frustrated and started to meet with us – with her phonebook sized notes.

Eventually, we got the website done. But in the end, it looked exactly like the one she had done herself in word which made us wonder why was she even wasting her money on us when she could have done it herself? I guess it didn’t really matter but like I say – I learned that if a client says they like the way they did something – they always want it that way. It’s like a child to them – something personal. It’s fucking ridiculous.

Top 5 Freelancing Tips

// October 10th, 2007 // Comments Off // web design

In relation to this post – which was an interesting article – I thought some things were missing that were maybe a bit too obvious and easily overlooked. I have been freelancing since I was 15 and although I did not have the knowledge and tools I do now, I have learned a lot in the past 7 years. So here are my Top 5 biggest Freelancing tips.

1 – Mates rates?

Mates Rates is something that you cannot avoid. Your friends are always going to ask you or imply that you will do a cheap job for them simply because they are your mates. It’s true, you probably will give them a discount here or there but remember – treat you friends like you would any other client. You should still do the appropriate paperwork, invoicing, signing off, written agreements etc. You need to remind them when to pay as well, as some friends may think they have forever to pay you for the work you have done.

2 -Don’t let the client push you into writing their content

I have had this happen so many times. It’s as if clients somehow think that I can know enough about their business to write their content for them. Their content is something that must be established before you begin designing. You cannot design a website without a rough idea of content at least. Almost all the clients I have expect me to write their content but it does not work this way. Also because I am a shocking speller most of the time. When you establish the pages the client wants on their website, send them a framework for content so they have a fair idea. Ensure that they complete all content and continue to follow them up if it is not completed.

3 – Be aware when things go out of scope

After you quote a client for their web requirements, they may change their minds after sign offs or certain design phases or even after the project is finished. This is out of scope and should always be charged extra unless you have had a written or clear verbal agreement otherwise. I have had clients pressure me into not charging them extra for extra work they wanted done which is a complete rip off and disrespectful to you and the service you are providing. Be clear at the beginning that anything not included in the quote but required later will be charged so you don’t “surprise” your client later.

4 – Never take criticism personally

It can be difficult hearing that a client dislikes the website or design you poured your heart into for hours or days. Especially if it keeps happening again and again – it can be disconcerting.  Take it as a learning experience – no one is going to love everything you are going to do even if you think it’s awesome. You have to be able to learn to take criticism or you will get no where in this industry. A wise man once said to me “Harden the fuck up.”

5 – You cannot read your clients mind – but you can try.

Ever since I have started doing this, I have always been expected to know exactly what my client is talking about for their website, even if they have never verbalised it to me or written it to me in an email. The requirement of ESP is quite amazing and can be frustrating. It is usually because the client does not know what they want in a site. Some do and it’s because they know what they are talking about and expect you too as well. Never be afraid to ask your client to be more specific in their requests. If your client says they don’t like your design, ask them what they would like to see in a design. Try to steer them away from saying things like “I don’t want that because…” or “I don’t like that because…” . This is just negative talk and never helps the situation or gets you anywhere.

The Redundancy of Web 2.0

// September 7th, 2007 // Comments Off // web design

I came a little bit late to the Web2.0 party. To be honest, I had seen the characteristics of web 2.0 in a lot of designs and had liked the way they were colourful as well as clean and used white space well.It has now come to the point where it is being parodied because it is in every recent website and more websites are updating with these characteristics. Even this very website has some of the design traits of 2.0. Click here to search “Web 2.0 website generator“, click on one of the pretty links and you will see what I am talking about in regards to design traits.

However, Web 2.0 is not only a design trend, but also a trend of the internet. Blogs, podcasting, myspace, youtube etc – all that shit helps make up 2.0. Think of it as allowing users to have the most “control” (aka – controlled sense of control) over these websites and share and collaborate with a community. Don’t be surprised if you get confused as to what I am talking about – it seems pointless doesn’t it? I mean, what was the internet used for before then?

So we can estimate that Web 2.0 has been carrying on for about 2+ years. Or at least around the time myspace started, let’s just say. Since then, there has been a slew of websites all vying for your customer participation to share and collaborate with one another. However, it has come to the point where there are websites coming out that use the web 2.0 principle but are completely pointless.

Gleamd is a perfect example of this. My boss and I were both invited to Gleamd and were interested in the site, as we weren’t exactly sure what it was meant to be. After a while of looking for “more” to what the site actually had, we realised that it was a people tracker – not exactly like myspace or facebook but you include people on this site. I guess it’s almost like a wikipedia – but of people. Right.

Another thing that I simply do not get about web 2.0 start ups is that every single one of these websites is in a BETA version. Instead of 1.0 or what ever – it’s in BETA. It’s almost as if BETA is a name trend in Web 2.0. I am not exactly understanding what is the attraction towards the word BETA. To me, it screams “WE MIGHT CRASH ANY MOMENT”.

Pownce is another example of web 2.0 scrapping the bottom of the tragic barrel. I joined Pownce after scoring an invite to see what the fuss was about. Pownce is apparently the new name for Ccing in your emails. You can also send messages, events, files and links to people in your contact list in emails as well. Everyone shat themselves because Kevin Rose (dude behind digg) helped create this useless piece of crap. If Kevin Rose does it, it must have a point to it! EL. OH. EL.

The most depressing web 2.0 site of them all is Touch Graph. Just so you can map out the tragedy, redundancy and uselessness that is becoming web 2.0.

Tutorial: Date images for blogs

// September 3rd, 2007 // Comments Off // web design

The story is this: I’ve had this new layout online for a little over a day and have already received a few emails asking me how I did the calendar images on the left. I don’t blame them, that was the only thing that was stopping me from going online with this new design earlier. It literally took me a few hours to get it straight.

I nabbed the images from Eurphorish, but the installation code wasn’t getting me anywhere. So here we go..(note, this is for wordpress hosted blogs. Twist it around and it can word for any hosted webpage.)

1. Visit Eurphorish and download the zipped files either containing the .png or .psd calendar images. I took the black one and edited it with a gradient of my choice and changed the drop shadow on it. You can do it using the .psd zip files. I resized the image to 60px x 60px.

2. Once you’ve uploaded the image, open up your index.php file and add the below code before ‘<a href=”<?php the_permalink() ?>” title=”Permalink”><?php the_title(); ?>‘ or at least before the title of your blog post:

<div class=”date”>
<span class=”month”><?php the_time(’M’); ?></span><br />
<span class=”numb”><?php the_time(’j’); ?></span><br />
</div>

3. Open up your style.css folder and add:

.date {
width:60px;
height:60px;
padding:0.6em 0 0 0;
text-align:center;
float:left;
background-image:url(images/dateicon.gif);
background-repeat:no-repeat;
background-position:top center;
margin-right:5px;
}
.month {
text-transform:uppercase;
font-weight:bold;
color:#ffffff;
}

Note that the width and height of “.date” should be changed to suit the width and height of your image.

4.  Open up your single.php file, or the file which displays a post page and include the code in step 2 in the same area as mentioned. Ensure that you delete any other date formatting which may show up in the post. And that’s it. Hopefully it will not take you as long as it took me to figure out why the hell it wasn’t working!