Zoe Zombie

why, hello there.

// February 14th, 2010 // Comments Off // humour

Oh MAN have I been busy! Here’s the deal:

I got rid of nightmare client – thankfully. Look, I’m 25. 25 year-olds should NOT be getting white hairs yet, or unexplained chest pains. It’s just not right.

I have some sort of weird magazine addiction which consists of me trying to buy every issue of British Vogue for no reason. Ok, it is better than Australian Vogue but still – it’s an expensive addiction.

I’ve been doing Couch to 5k and yesterday I ran 3 minutes without feeling like I was going to die. Strangely, when I looked over the other side of the lake to see how far I ran without stopping I almost wanted to cry. TAKE THAT, PHYS ED TEACHER! I totally ran!

Also, I’ve been finding certain 30-somethings still haven’t grown up yet. My new finding is that I like to think that they would take responsibility for their own actions, rather than pinning it on someone else. I didn’t realise we were in primary school!

I am going to Phuket in two weeks. I’m not really excited, or looking forward to it, or not looking forward to it. I think I see it as a big gap of time that’s getting in the way of my work outs. How fucked is that? Obviously something wrong with me. But here’s the deal – I don’t like planes because they make me fart and they serve horrible food. Plus, I have long legs so they are always hitting the seat in front of me.

I am pretty much over online shopping. My closet can’t be filled with anymore duds that I refuse to throw out or can’t be bothered getting taken it. It’s really all very expensive and time-wasting. Plus, I don’t care for summer clothes. Winter is where it’s at.

I am not currently reading any books, but the last movie I saw was Up In The Air. Ah, Clooney. Even if I say I’m over you we both know that’s a lie. I really want to see The Road next but I am quite scared that I will come out feeling really depressed. Here’s a handy hint, don’t read the book in the morning on the way to work. It’ll bum you out at least until lunch time.

And after finishing another website for a client, I think I am about to go for another run before it get’s too hot out there.

tips for dealing with a nightmare client

// December 21st, 2009 // Comments Off // humour

I’ve been doing freelance web design + print design since I was 17. Maybe even 16. Who cares, I’m almost 25 and I can’t even remember back that far. But I’ve learned a few things and perhaps my knowledge can help other young designers out there.

• If your client pulls out a “published” piece of work, maybe for their previous employer, with their logo design on it – stand clear. Save yourself the trouble because if you don’t know how to handle your client becoming the designer and you becoming their whore, it’s enough to make you want to quit.
• If your client does become the designer, and you the whore, ask them to sketch exactly what they want. Then you can give them creative advice on it and go from there.
• A client may not want to listen to your advice and before you know it, you have a flaming pink design that makes no sense. At this point it’s up to you whether you fire the client, or continue on but choose not to attach your name to the logo.
• Make sure you have an iron clad contract that states your responsibilities as the designer and their responsibilites as the client. Refer back to it if things get out of hand but make sure it is fair. Design can be fun when it’s collaborative, no one likes to feel as though they’re living in a communist country (unless, in fact you are, and you like it that way…)
• If you’re anything like me – “the cool boss” – then you have probably experienced a tad bit of bullying from the client. This is when you have to become “the stern boss” and pretty much put your foot down. You need to become more professional. Sure, this is difficult if you work from home, but try and keep emails and messages professional.
• If you hand over some concepts and they say things like “You didn’t do what I asked” but you’re very damn sure you did because you took notes verbatim, there are a few things you can do in the future to stop this from happening:
  • ask the client if it’s ok if you record your meetings on a voice recorder from now on. Explain that this is so you don’t miss anything that is said.
  • If they don’t want to be recorded, take thorough notes of the meeting and send them meeting minutes and ask them to read over them to ensure that everything important has been noted.
• If the time comes that you perhaps need to fire your client (because after all, you are more important than money or a thick portfolio of so-so work), I personally prefer a sit-down meeting and a 100% refund. If you’ve ever broken up with someone before, I suggest using the line “it’s not you, it’s me” if you want a clean break. Or if you want to give them a choice “either be nice or I’m gone” then choose your words carefully.

I hope this advice helps someone or anyone out there going through this. Any nightmare client stories?

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I don’t want to be a cast member of 90210, but it seems like I have to be?

// November 14th, 2009 // Comments Off // humour

I was granted some valuable shopping dollars and time by Roger today. Which was very sweet and a (weekly) dream come true. I was ready to go and I thought that my allowance, if you will, was never going to be enough to cover what I wanted to buy. Some cute skirts, some shorts, tops, dresses.. all for summer. As much as I love tartan and black, the goth in me gets hot during summer.

So off to a certain shopping centre I went. But my excitement and self imposed 1 hour time limit soon turned into a 2.5 hour desperation to find anything suitable. My findings were:

1. Every single women’s clothing store was filled with horrible floral patters taken straight out of 90210 – not the beautiful 1950s styles that are so elegant and sophisticated.
2. It was hard to find dark denim ANYTHING. Every pair of denim skirt, short or jean was an acid wash or light blue with holes in it. 
3. All dresses were cut just below the vadge. I’m 24 years old and I don’t want to show off my baby maker. Even if I were 18, I still wouldn’t want anyone to see those lips.
4. There were sequins galore. I personally have nothing against sequins and I think they’re fabulous. But some pieces were bordering on shit that I see at the salvos. BECAUSE NO ONE WANTS THEM.
5. Gladiator sandals are still back because apparently no one bothered to recycle anything from the 90s. Or were gladiators all the rage in 90210 as well?
6. Who the HELL wears leather biker jackets in summer? And what kind of store thinks that Perth women are going to encase themselves in cow skin for the summer? And why would anyone wear a tuxedo jacket in 40+ degree heat?
7. Every single skirt I saw was fitted and either black or hot-chunks-floral. What about cute puffy, above-the-knee, bright skirts? No?
8. Balmain is the most copied designer on the high street at the moment and probably will be for ages to come. I saw a copy of a vest and was going to buy it. Then again, I don’t want to buy a demin vest.
9. I can’t understand why tie dye frequents the stores every few seasons or so. It’s something that only few people can pull off.
10. Big dumpy dresses (tie dyed i might add) and jackets just don’t make a girl look like a girl. I doubt she feels feminine in it.
11. Sportsgirl were obsessed with bo-ho for what seemed like 16 seasons. Now we will never see the end of this 90210 season. 
12. To that lady who works at Mimco – I said Hello to you while you gave me the most horrible look I’ve ever seen from a shop assistant, and you said nothing back. Here’s a big F and a big UCKYOU.

I visited every store at least 3 times to find something suitable. I came across the most awesome sales assistant at Oroton who should probably host the Australian version of How to Look Good Naked. And I somehow walked away with two pairs of shorts, a top, two dresses, a sequined vest (oh yes) and a pair of shoes. All do not show my vadge and I don’t look like a cast member of 90210, although it took 2.5 hours to get there. Bah.

Posted via web from Jessicatron’s PREposterous thoughts

Why I don’t give a fuck about weddings.

// September 14th, 2009 // Comments Off // humour

I have not even been engaged for a week yet, and already people are having an opinion. Sure, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but telling us that we’re “wrong”, “mad”, “insane” among others for wanting to just go to Las Vegas and get hitched is bordering on rudeness.

Here’s the deal: I’ve never been a person who’s dreamed of getting married since I was a little girl. I don’t want the dress, the bridesmaids, the reception, the gifts or anything like that. I don’t want to spend $40k on one day of my life. I’ve never been like that, neither has Roger. To me, I feel a wedding is between the people who are actually getting married. If they want to do the whole she-bang with the dress etc, then that’s great. If they want to elope, that’s great too. Because it’s about them, not me.

Sure, Vegas has been dragged through the mud with the whole “tacky Vegas drive-through/quicki/trailer trash/drunken celebrity marriage” but there actually ARE some lovely places in LV to get married. When we were there in 07, we saw a bridal party heading to the chapel at The Monte Carlo, dressed in a Vera Wang gown with all of their friends/family.

Vegas is one of the most exciting and (can be) beautiful places in the world, and whilst it would be fucking awesome to have our friends and family there if they could make it, I wouldn’t regret getting married with only Elvis as my witness.

Posted via web from Jessicatron’s PREposterous thoughts

it’s beginning to FEEL a lot like Christmas

// August 14th, 2009 // Comments Off // humour

My family used to go ALL out for Christmas. Ever since I was born, I would always look forward to lots of presents from them and the rest of my family. I was spoiled, yes. But before you think my family are a bunch of bible bashers – we’re not. We just buy into the American style Christmas – all about gifts, nothing about Jesus. Just the way we like it.

Knowing that I had a lot to look forward to on Christmas day, I used to get so excited that I basically couldn’t eat or sleep in the days leading up to the ceremonial gift giving. Or sometimes I would eat so much because the feeling in my stomach felt like hunger – but I couldn’t tell.

Anyone close to me will tell you that I have wanted an iPhone since they came out. I am not an Apple fangirl. I’m not one of those douchebags who are like, “Ooh Windows sucks! Apple is the best! LOLZZ!!”. No. Windows does suck. But so does Apple. ALL computers suck. But. BUT. I love the look, functionality and style of the iphone. Most of all, I loved that I could have my ipod and a phone in one. Perfect.

Every time I have went to get one, it’s almost as though it has been snatched away from me. Or maybe I have just bought too many clothes. Either way, I have just never been able to get my hands on one. On Tuesday I thought – fuck it – here I go, I’m gonna get one. And I did. And then I thought – I have to WAIT until Friday to get it. What an anti-climax.

I had this weird feeling of not being able to sleep, either not eating or eating too much, feeling as though there were a thousand butterflies in my stomach, all ready to burst out. And I stopped. What was this feeling I was experiencing? I hadn’t experienced it since… Christmas ..when I was a little girl. My god. It felt as though it was Christmas, sometime between 1989 to 1994. What. The Fuck.

See, I’m old now. And I just do not get that excited about anything anymore. Not even my own birthday. Not EVEN Slayer and Megadeth on the same bill (I know – shame!). I’m excited about an inanimate object that will serve me no real purpose, other than to make a phone call. How worrying.

weight issues and more! all in this issue!

// July 19th, 2009 // Comments Off // humour

The past two months have been insane for me: 2 times a day, 6 days a week at the gym. Eating 90% organic food and 10% junk food. Cutting down drastically on alcohol (then I go all “Courtney Love” for one day). For me, a lazy person at heart (I am currently putting off washing 2 days worth of dishes) that is something. That is an accomplishment.

Why do I want to do this? So that I may possibly lenghten my life and strengthen my health after quitting a pack-a-day-plus smoking habit, driving to school instead of walking and basically just trying to reverse the damage I have done to my body by binge eating, eating insane amounts of junk food and getting wasted every day for years and years. I shudder to think about what my insides actually look like. Are they wittled from drinking 2 litres of coke a day for a year and a half? Do my lungs really look like damaged shrink wrap?

So I gym it. And I eat healthy. And I’ve been losing a bit of fat but gaining muscle. I feel slightly sorry for those who are ordering KFC at 6:30 whilst I walk back to my car after a work out. I’m pretty sure I see the same people there over and over. The thing that really gets me is this: 95% of the people in my gym at 6am are women. They are my age and they are beautiful women of all shapes and sizes. And they work their asses off. I know it’s probably because they have a subscription to Vogue or some shit. Or maybe there is just too much pressure on them, to stay beautiful and stay slim. Or maybe they just enjoy being healthy and working out.

One of the things I noticed is that people are always going to be judgemental, whether you’re eating a chocolate bar at 10:30am every day or whether you are doing what I am doing. You’re either eating too much, or not enough. If you’re overweight and you’re eating junk, people think that’s part of your job. If you’re overweight and you’re eating healthy and working out, people think you’re going to fail in 24 hours.

I usually seem to care what people think of me but for this, I don’t. No one but me can fully understand what I was doing to my body for a good 5 years. I can’t give a shit if people think that because I eat only organic food I am a freak or I have an eating disorder. I don’t give a flying fuck if people think I am insane that I only eat pasta, rice, oats or other wholegrain carbs after each work out. I really, really couldn’t care less if people think that I am this, or I am that. If I did, I would have stopped what I am doing.

It’s not about being skinny or losing weight, it’s about being healthy. It’s about being able to run 100 metres without gasping for breath like Homer Simpson after 2 metres. I am young and I’ve got to grab this opportunity by the balls or one day pay for the years of damage I’ve done to myself.

Posted via web from Jessicatron’s PREposterous thoughts

Bigots can be gay too. Really.

// June 11th, 2009 // Comments Off // humour

I am a huge supporter of Gay and Lesbian rights. I feel that everyone, everywhere should be equal because we are all human and that is what we are entitled too.

I am a reader of perezhilton.com (I know, shame – but I like my goss fix!) sine 2007. He’s an openly gay man and sometimes I find his comments towards other actors quite funny and embarrasing at the same time. He’s not afraid of his sexuality and I think that’s great.

When that Miss California chick stood up in front of the audience at the Miss USA pageant and said that she didn’t belive in gay marriage because she was a practising Christian and that’s what her relgion stands for, the shit hit the fan. Perez Hilton who was a judge on the panel, went nuts. He called her a stupid bitch or whore or something, people were just in uproar. There was pressure to strip her of her title – it was as though she committed a crime.

I do not agree with her point of view. But she was saying that she was brought up to believe this from her Christian roots. That doesn’t make her a bad person. It’s a touchy subject – I hate religion as much as the next person – but she was never demeaning towards homosexuals. Gay people were coming out of the woodworks to call her everything under the sun.

It isn’t her that I was worried about, it was all these people – gay people mostly – who were so outraged and offended about what she said and personally attacked her. That is very, very wrong. Were they not just attacking someone for their religious beliefs in such an outlandish and cruel way? As an outsider, I don’t understand. I can’t understand what it’s like to be gay and having someone say they don’t accept you. But everyone should be entitled to their fair opinions, even if you may not agree.

Sad, sad the human race.

Posted via web from Jessicatron’s PREposterous thoughts