Zoe Zombie

To my dearest journal thingy,
I was way too quick to write the other day and left out a lot of really cool and interesting stuff. So let me begin retelling you -
On the 9th we went to Amsterdam. It’s a cool place! The hotel was lovely (but I felt super bad every time the bathroom door kept smashing into the TV cabinet!). The first night we had gone to a live sex show.

It’s usually just couples fucking on stage, usually to some song. It’s the strangest thing. It’s choreographed sex to music. And at some point I felt completely strange as we were sitting in a normal theatre – one which you would excpect to be playing movies. But this one had couples fucking. And you sat in areas where the term “leg room” wasn’t taken into consideration. You had to sort of sit down as the chair was going down.

Later on as I was getting familar and comfortable, I was pulled up on stage along with another girl on my contiki tour to dance with a male stripper. I didn’t want to go obviously and I felt embarassed. But I could not stop laughing. I thought it was so hilarious! The highlight was apparently rubbing sunscreen on this guy with my middle fingers instead of his requested palms. Everyone in the audience thought this was hilarious and so far on this trip when anyone on the tour is about to give the middle finger they yell out my name and display it proudly as though I gave these people a gift.

Afterwards, a small group of us followed Roger’s lead into various coffee shops and bars around the red light district, getting stoned and drunk. At first, we had gone to this coffee shop that was the opposite of the Grass Hopper, totally local and probably infested with HIV. The staircase was a death trap in this place. You needed health insurance just to go up and down the damn thing. The steps were incredibly narrow and they were no problem getting up. Once we spent about an hour smoking the best weed we’d had in ages, it was a mission to get down without your face meeting the floor.

We spent the next day looking all over the town, despite our contiki manager claiming that Amsterdam is basically a ghost town on Sundays. Every shop was open (including 10,000 H&M’s) and there were people offering horse rides and all that crap. The variety of stores… it makes me wonder why Perth cannot get shops like these.

We began by exploring Anne Frank’s house which was quite interesting. The whole house was done up very well, like the house had been before Frank’s family was captured. In various rooms, it was cold and dark and again we had the dangerous stair cases popping up every now and again.

Later on in the evening, we went on a cruise through the canals. It was such a fun time, we all did shots, drank, waved to a bunch of friendly (or weirded out) locals/tourists and danced until it was pitch black. I didn’t want it to end but it seemed as though my alchol intake would end it earlier than I’d like!

After the cruise, we went on the prowl again back to a coffee shop that we had been to the night before and had loved as it was right on the canal. For the first time in my life, I got so incredibly stoned that I fell backwards whilst asking the bartended to unlock the bathroom door for me.

After Amsterdam, we made our way to Berlin. I had been soo excited about Athens that I had forgotted about all the Nazi history that I was looking forward to viewing and of course, other history.

For some reason, I can’t think of what we did the day we got there but the day after (ooooh that’s right we had dinner at this outdoor beer garden. Lots of fun!) we did a walking tour. The guide covered a lot of German history and it was interesting, but just like any of these things, it can be kind of boring. I mean sure, the history is interesting but all you’re doing is walking, stopping, listening and looking. Then you get bored and look around while the guide is still talking.

Later on, we did a night tour. We had gone back on the tour and looked at areas near sections of the Berlin wall. The night tour quickly turned into an alcohol tour and we left early to save our wallets and livers.

The day after Berlin, we drove on over to Prague…

Oh, be right back. I just gotta check on the landry!

We have been a bit busy in case yo ucan’t tell from the huge gap in between entries.
Our contiki tour started on the 9th. After getting off the plane in London, we moved through customs quickly (thank GOD, as opposed to last time when I thought I was going to celebrate 5 christmases in line) and were off to our hotel.

En route, we had stopped off at Helen’s place to get our stuff and drop off some more crap that we had acquired from our Wacken and Athenian adventures. Very nice that she let us drop her stuff there but I felt bad because I didn’t know how to flush her toilet properly and thought I somehow broke it. Seriously, it had nothing to do with feces.

On arriving to our Hotel which was the Royal National, we were running very close to being late to our contiki meeting. Tip of the day: Never ever miss your night before contiki tour meeting. You may think it’s really annoying but it will save you a lot of hassle in the long run.

After the meeting, we went and grabbed dinner at Gourmet Burger (GB, smart). At first, I couldn’t get over how generally expensive things were in comparison to the australian dollar. Today the aussie dollar is buying 48 pence so it’s not as bad as this time last year.

The hotel was extremely stuffy, and yet again there is no fan. It’s like hoteliers don’t realise that a lot of people coming to their hotel’s are not from the local area and therefore do like some sort of climate control things. We’re not Londoners who enjoy feeling the heat of Cairns every day of the year.

There is no airconditioner and the room is way too hot and stuffy. Normally, this is not a problem but when you are only given a quilt to sleep with and no top sheet it can get very uncomfortable very quickly. It doesn’t really equate to a good night’s sleep. Especially if your room faces the busy street where apparently so many crimes and heart attacks are occuring that sirens must wail loudly throughout the night.

There was even no fan in the toilet (again! Note: in europe, yo shit don’t stink!). This is one of the features we are beginning to find a lot of in this place.

Let me tell you. a lot of hotels do not have a fan in the bathroom which is a really bad idea – especially if you just do a huge stinking dump. How about a 13 hour flight with bad Asian food? What about if you’ve just got the runs? Yeah… maybe the idea of a fan is sounding a lot better to you now.

So after London, we drove to Amsterdam. it was a long drive that involved taking the ferry through the channel to Calais.

…. right now I am not into this so I will just do points.
1. I got queasy on the ferry. Yes.
2. Amsterday – went to a sex show, danced with a male stripper, awesome hotel and got stoned. Of course.
3. Berlin – Awesome day and night tour, great architecture. Lots of history. Just a wonderful place.

AMEN.

I am currently on annoying flight #2178 from Athens to London. All I can say is, if you are fat you got no one to blame but yourself. If your leg is all squished up against someone else’s seat beacause you decided to eat your kids’ airplane meal as well as your own to further add to the tubbiness that is your fat and fucked up seld, then you can go and kiss my fucking ass. Don’t tell me to m ove my seat forward only after kicking it andpushing it continuously for 30 minutes without me even saying a word, and then expect me to do the noble thing and feel sorry for you because you are fat. I am not going to do it for your fat ass. And If I am flying to London from Greece and I don’t look Greek than chances are I DON’T SPEAK ANY FUCKING GREEK. Much, anyway.
P.S At this point I am being alerted to the fact that their may be a fat casualty in the toilet who is having a hard time getting out.

Traveling around athens for th epast few days has led me to believe certain things about their homeland.
1. There are more billaboards for cigarettes and alcohol condensed in such a small area that I have ever seen. It makes smoking and alcohol as vital as food and air.
2. People still feel it’s ok to smoke in your face. Apparently asthma has not been discovered in Athens yet.
3. You can smoke practically everywhere. That’s right. Even in your coffin.
4. They like to start hourses and then leave the skeletal structure long enough for it to be covered in grqfitti.
5. They automatically speak to  you in Greek unless you say “hello” and even then, they think you’re weird.
6. A main meal is big enough for 4 people. 4 THIN people. A fat fuck like the one behind me would eat that and her kid’s dinner.
7. Waiters don’t come back to ask if you would like something more to drink throughout your meal and take forever to get the bill.

There are some kids on this flight who need to be killed. Row 38 seats H&K. Obviously spoilt brats who talk to their parents like they are shit but they may as well deserve it for giving their kids everything they want all the time.

Here’s a general tip, as much as I like having people make my bed and give me fresh towels when I come back from a day of doing nothing – I hate to see my shit all tidied up. I do. It’s weird and I don’t know why I hatge it. I think it has stemmed from when my mother used to clean up my room and put everything in neat little piles just so she could see enough table top to clean it. But then of course, i couldn’t find anything and I used to get really pissed off.

Well now I kindg got a problem with people touching my shit in general. Because one day in HK, Roger and I decided to get some fruit to take a break from the crap we had been eating. Of course we had no knives or anything to cut the fruit with we bought a cheap $2 knife. We left it on a bench in the room. After coming back one day it was gone. The fucking bitch ass maid stole our knife! Oh well, it was only 2 bucks.

Fast forward to HK aurport a day later. We are flying to London. We go through security. They check Roger’s bag because what appears to be in there is a knife. Well that was a bit of a collar pulling situation. The maid had for some reason, put it in his back pack. Thankfully security joked about it, and Roger gave them the knife after they asked him if he would be needing it. No harm done but it could have been a lot worse.

25 mins to London. Cannot wait for customs.